Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Cositas

Just little things, an update of sorts for those of you who don't 'know' me or know me in the biblical sense.  And if it was biblical I apologize:
I was drunk and I'm a lesbian now.
I did that podcast way back in June...remember?

http://mentalpod.com/Listener-Katie-Yeargain-Palacio

and I was surprised that Paul Gilmartin even aired it.  I had let go of the outcome, assumed that it was crap and moved on...no harm no foul.
When he contacted me last month and told me it was going up I kinda panicked...like: what the fuck did I say?  Was I incriminating?  Did I tell the truth?  Did I present well? 
Blah Blah Blah, the voices in our heads may be quiet for a spell, but they are always there, waiting for the next insecure thought to catch a ride in on.
I listened to myself.  I was OK.  heck, I was better than OK.  I did good.  I presented my life in a linear fashion.  It made sense.  I was funny, kind of. (COME ON, I WAS FUNNY!)  Shoot, I even think my voice sounded a bit sexy.  Yeah, I said it.  Fuck y'all, voices in my head.
Pretty soon I was sick of listening to myself, and I sincerely thank those who did, in its' hour and a half mess of therapizing.
That was some cathartic shit.  Yeah, I am so eloquent, but it's true.
I want this for everyone: an opportunity to figure out why we are the way we are, with someone wonderful like Paul actually listening and encouraging us.
Dope beyond belief.
Seriously...when am I going to start talking like I am 42.  Uh.....NEVER.
I have been continuing in the 'big things' department.
Paying my own bills.  Cleaning my own house (have you ever been rich?  it's fabulous on many counts, but the best is the housekeeper.  I miss that shit waaaay more than the Bahamas). 
I applied to UC Berkeley and UC Santa Cruz, where I will be majoring in Feminist Studies. 
Don't give me the snide stare.
Don't give me the blank stare.
Don't pity me or have opinions behind your hand or my back.
I know what the fuck I am doing with this major.
Imma change the world, yo. 
One injustice at a time.
I started dating women...not such a big deal, no coming out moment.
Nobody baked me a rainbow cake though, and I feel a little sad about it.
My kids are so lacksadaisical about this shit.
Little Wise Woman is supportive as always.
Little ones want to know why my chick looks like a boy...
Somehow, I managed to put my filter on and not say "Cause my tomboy femme ass needs a DADDY, children...that's why.)
I am casually dating, which is hard, what with working, kids, school and the like.
I have some hilarious stories from this online dating thing that I am not quite ready to tell, but I want parents of high school age kids to know that SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA their kids' 24 year old American Government teacher is sexting with a suburban mom while teaching the class.
It was a lapse in judgement folks.
Because 24 year olds are crazy.
Like, texting me 42 times crazy.
Anyhoo,
Life is awesome.  I never forget the depression, or the rape, or the dysfunctional family, or the fucked up ex husband, or the abuse, or the nervous breakdown (Epiphany: this should be my OKCupid ad...thoughts?)
I just don't lead with those things anymore.
God/Universe/Goddess/Mother Mary bless each and every one of you.
Don't be strangers.

2 comments:

  1. Listening to you right now on the podcast - you are so brave and did a great job :)

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  2. Hi Katie,

    I've sought you out to comment. Your podcast moved me in a way that was unexpected (I've listened twice, and will listen again).Your description of your rape and how you dealt with it by having lots and lots of sex matches my experience in a way that shocked me- I had never put my so called "promiscuity" together with my rape (mine was not a violent stranger, which I'm learning doesn't make it not important!).

    Thankyou for your honesty and keep pushing through the crap! You deserve the best, and you deserve great comments.

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