Saturday, February 26, 2011

Abusive Rants that i have put up with over the years

Once again I am amazed at your do as I say not as I do ways. It is contemptable that you erased notes from my email to my children. It doesnt make the facts go away. I at least know you will never find Georgia and Jake email accounts That I have sent these to. When they are old enough they need to know how hard it was to stay with you.


Like your Blog "essentially written to Sean" which I sent to myself this morning, Lamenting the life that you could have had...

Well let me help you a remember a littl bit KT. When I met you you were a drunk pass around girl banging a carpenter across the street. boasting about having sex with 60 plus guys. Two weeks into seeing you some guy that had a threesome with you earlier that year stopped bye for seconds with a friend. You were living in a bubble that your mom provided, drinking a bottle of wine a night, still having sex with strangers 10 feet away from your 3 year old in the next room.

You weren't destined for greatness and I ruined it Katie, I loved you, Still love you but unfortunatly you dont love me and dont have the balls to go. When you feel pain you need me to feel pain. You start a fight over what esentually was a misscommuication and you run with it. Demanding apologies until you'll look at me. You have some deep problems Katie and as it was said bye one "our" friends the other night "we look at you, we look at Katie, and we dont see why you put up with it.

You treat me worse than anyone I have ever met regardless of your mental condition, and you care for me less than any other person I know.

And last night, You get mad at me and threaten to take my kids? are you nuts. 20 minutes earlier you text me that you cant do it alone. Well guess what single moms do it alone, I earn a living "alone" with no help from you. I dont have a partner Katie, Your to busy having another episode.

Since you are so mature as to not speak to me I guess I will communicate this way. Can you please move into the other bed room until you find a way to move. I dont think this is healthy and I dont deserve it. I have to go to work now. lots of misspellings sorry

Friday, February 25, 2011

STUCK...

Not like stuck on you, not like stuck like glue
more like something stuck to the bottom of my shoe
and I can't rid myself of this feeling that i've had off and on
for 3 years now.
I can't breathe...
but I'm still alive.
And I can't think...
but I'm pulling A's out of my hat every class
I can't really live the life I remember because I don't remember who that girl was.
I feel defeat and complacency.
Why am I still here?
Because of them.
Why am I still here?
Because I'm scared
Why am I still here?
I've lost so much.  I've given up so much of myself. 
I've sold myself out.
I am the joke downtown and among former friends: Is she married?  Still?  But I thought...
It's a leap of FAITH
so UNIVERSE: Why the hell can't I jump?
Because I am killing myself softly with his song, with his song...